


i took the fall and you took the fault

by theatrythms



Series: i'll tell you my sins (and you can sharpen your knife) [5]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gang World, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Secret Identity, written in 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-22 21:14:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23467174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theatrythms/pseuds/theatrythms
Summary: Maybe three years ago, when she left Subaki and Caeldori, she thought her punishment was a life in the darkness of the Dusk Dragons, a sentence carried out in the winding tunnels of Windmire.
Relationships: Camilla & Luna | Selena, Luna | Selena/Tsubaki | Subaki
Series: i'll tell you my sins (and you can sharpen your knife) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1668334
Kudos: 8





	i took the fall and you took the fault

**Author's Note:**

> i just . love selena and tsubaki . here is a brief explanation of why shes there . this was written in 2016 . thank u for reading . title is from 'want you back' by haim but the lyrics are a little different

_ Windmire-2006 _

What first attracted her to the tunnels was the light, the hum of chatter that drones her mind, and the cloak of invisibility the winding labyrinth offers her.

Now, the light has been hushed, the people gone, nothing else left for Selena but her memories.

_ “Are you saying I can’t cook?” She snapped, spinning to face him. _

_ He just shrugs, hands gesturing wildly. “Not saying you aren’t good, just that I can do better.” His voice always comes out like a deep stream of syllables. _

_ “Why I-” _

There’s a light, dim, somewhere behind her. The tell-tale sound of the metal chain clinking against the hood of a lantern. She doesn’t know why the lantern is needed, given the fluorescent generators cemented to the ceiling, not yet powered but still there, ready to be of use again. Selena knows it was the Nohr family who paid for them, given how in the tunnels their business thrives, sulking around in the shadows, clinging to the police’s feigned ignorance of the maze’s existence.

Selena has learnt, in the three years she’s been in Windmire, that there are some tunnels that sell flowers, and clothes, and basic necessities for the people otherwise out of their reach, and there are some tunnels that sell other things, dangerous things, hidden in the nooks and crannies of the tunnel system, all under the watchful gaze of the Dusk Dragon.

_ “I’m glad you like Shirasagi, it's probably the closest you’ll get to a city like Ylisse.” He says, rubbing the calf stretched over his hip. The window thrown open isn’t the best way of telling the time, but she can tell it’s bright out, the sun streaming through in wide rays. _

_ “It feels the same.” _

_ “It’s better than Windmire. Now that place is horrible.” _

_ She leans up slightly, resting her chin on her hand, the other one trailing lazy patterns on his right breast. She laughs. “How so?” _

_ The man under her laughs too. “Imagine the darkest, dankest place on earth, throw in some vicious ganglords and motorcycles, and you’ve got the city of Windmire.” _

_ The red dragon on his forearm practically roars. He smiles, triumphantly, so confidently, so true to her lover’s nature. _

_ “But they’re no match for the Dawn Dragons.” _

_ “Obviously.” _

_ He smiles again. “Obviously.” _

The light flickers, along with the memory, just until the tunnel in front of her is completely illuminated, save for her shadow.

Her mother used to croon  _ “I’m here for you Severa.”. _

“Hiding in the tunnels now? Are we darling?”

Selena turns, facing Camilla Nohr. Her purple hair spills over her leather jacket, over her hips and brushing the tops of her thighs. Everything just  _ spills  _ with Camilla. Her hair, her eyes, her breasts, her laugh. The tall boots she wears reach mid thigh, inches apart from her shorts. Her motorcycle rumbles somewhere in the distance, and without a doubt, Selena knows Beruka is hiding in the shadows. Selena opted out of using some form of vehicle, not when she could walk and run. She couldn’t rely on external devices for her survival. And besides, it never felt right.

_ “Why do you even use it.” _

_ He takes the cherry red biking jacket off, discarding it at the foot of their bed. Slowly, he crawls his way up, just until he lies in between her legs, hands rubbing small circles on her thighs, head settling on her belly. “It's fast and it's dashing,” He grins, and she hates the effect he has on her. “Quite like me, no?” _

_ Instead she snorts, pushing him off her swollen stomach. “I guess we can blame them for why I’m pregnant then?” _

_ “You wound me, truly.” _

“Just on patrol for tonight, Lady Camilla.” Selena forces out, the rest of her head swimming. Is it possible to feel like you’re floating even though you stand on the ground. She starts swaying, like music floods the tunnel in quick, hot bursts. “Everything’s just peachy down here.”

Camilla smiles, the same smile she only reserves for her retainers. Camilla Nohr is one of the nicest women Selena has ever met. As a member of the Dusk Dragons, one of the boss’ children, she’s everything a mob lord should be. She doesn’t deal in numbers, she’s more active, in the war between Dusk and Dawn and any other external groups that try to test it. She keeps an axe built into the workings of the bike, long and sharp and powerful, like her. She doesn’t have two sides to her, she’s just sweet to her retainers and ruthless to any man who dares cross her; she’s a Dusk, through and through.

“There’s something on your mind. Do you want to talk about it? Beruka and I will definitely listen.” She croons.

“I’m fine, really… just thinking.”

“Lost in your thoughts?” Camilla suggests, pushing a long curl over her shoulder. She’s the only one with lilac hair, she sticks out against the blonde of her brothers and sister. Apparently, the secret Nohr siblings have ashen hair, twins Selena’s never seen but Camilla just can’t stop gushing over them.

“Or maybe,” The light flickers and Selena grows, until she stretches to the end of the tunnel.

She always felt so small, hiding in her mother’s shadow.

Now she’s tall with her own.

But her mother’s could fill a whole legacy and compared to that, this tunnel, and her shadow, is nothing.

_ “I’m a bad mother.” _

_ “You’re not a bad mother my sweet.” He soothes, pressing kisses to her brow. _

_ Selena pushes him away, mindfulーbut not mindful enoughーof the baby in his arms, and the tuft of red she could see from the pink blanket. “Yes, yes I am. I don’t wake up when she cries in the middle of the fucking night. I can’t fucking breastfeed because of my stupid medication and even when I try to feed her she won’t.” Her voice became very, very small, at the sight of her daughter finally calm in her father’s arms, finally at peace away from her. “Face it Subaki, I’m a terrible mother.” _

_ Subaki just shakes his head, one hand cupping her face. “You are a wonderful mother.” _

_ “I’m not good enough for her.” _

_ He takes her hand, guiding it to the baby’s. He wraps their girl’s hand into hers and lets the baby squeeze as tight as her six weeks of strength can give her. _

_ “I know that you are a strong, brave woman who’ll do anything for our daughter.” _

_ Selena looks down and sees her mother. Her blue eyes sparkle in the night and she greets her mother with a large, gummy smile. _

_ “I think she knows it.” Subaki hums, deep and low and comforting all at once. _

_ The breath catches in her throat. “She’s perfect.” _

“I know so little about you, my lovely retainer. You don’t tell me much about your past.” Her eyes darken, just enough to dampen the light. “In fact, you haven’t told me anything about your past.”

Selena scuffs her foot against the grainy floor, while the mantra of her memories beat against her skull and her eyelids. The happiness of her past can’t fall at the mercy of the tunnels. Windmire is a desolate place, but she’ll never say he was right.

“My parents are dead, I grew up in Ylisse. I started driving for the dusks until you offered the job. There’s nothing else.”

But there’s so much else.

There’s a life she could’ve had if she had the heart to take it, claim it, love it. To stand in the overarching future and feel the sun brush her face.

She fled to the shadows three years ago, and she hasn’t looked back.

_ “Caeldori? Oh what a splendid name.” _

_ “Well, she does have a brilliant namesake.” Subaki breams broadly. He pours more tea and offers macaroons, all while Cordelia smiles back. They get along scarily. Two perfect beings meet, the universe aligns. _

_ The legend turns her attention back to her granddaughter, takes in her soft hair, and her big, round eyes. “She’s beautiful Severa, she really is.” The great Cordelia, hero of Ylisse, member of the Shepherds, looks down at Caeldori, an unusual smile on her face, “It’s like you're a baby again. So small, so precious.” _

_ Selena knows her mother raised her by herself. Selena knows that her mother tried so very hard to be the best mother she could but Selena also knows that trying sometimes really isn’t good enough. _

_ “It was Subaki who rearranged the letters, don’t go praising me for that.” _

The tunnel freezes, the music stops, she doesn’t sway anymore. Something cold wafts through the air, and Camilla’s eyes pierce in the dark.

“How old is she?”

The memory is almost painful.

_ Selena and Subaki stand in front of their cake-covered daughter. Selena swipes some frosting off her round cheek, and Subaki smiles, faintly, at the glinting ring on her finger. _

Of course Camilla knows.

Caeldori is not a secret but no one knows about her. Her daughter is not a burden but no one knows who she is. Caeldori is, as far as she knows, a Dawn Dragon, and this knowledge of her existence is the only way Camilla actually trusts her. Selena didn’t see the point in trading secrets for trust. Trust is earned by her and only by her, she couldn’t use Caeldori as a leverage.

She ran from the arms of a Dawn and into the ranks of the Dusks. Without the red brand no one could prove she was ever affiliated with them. While Odin and Laslow made their way into the homes and hearts of Lord Leo and Lord Xander; Selena fell in love, had a child, and crossed sides when she remembered why she was even there in the first place. It never should’ve happened.

Maybe three years ago, when she left Subaki and Caeldori, she thought her punishment was a life in the darkness of the Dusk Dragons, a sentence carried out in the winding tunnels of Windmire.

She once thought leaving Ylisse was the hardest thing she ever did, but then leaving Subaki and Caledori still hurts and aches and pulses. None of these choices is as hard as realising that if she didn’t leave, and go with Odin and Laslow; she wouldn’t have a home to go back to.

Because Laslow knows what they’re doing, and loves his mother more than anything else and he’d rather  _ die  _ than let the silly feud of Dawn and Dusk destroy Ylisse. Odin still calls home and talks to Lucina and his mother and acts like nothing’s wrong, like all the way back in Ylisse his uncle isn’t the Minister for Justice, who already has reason to question the political ethics of the country of Valla. Selena knows Odin couldn’t deal with his uncle, his hero, knowing he was so far caught up in it.

_ “We’re the only ones who can do it.” _

_ “We’re seventeen Inigo!” _

Severa doesn’t know why she’s here. Severa wants to stop Ylisse from getting involved and stop her mother from calling to ask about Caeldori and stop Subaki from entering her mind anytime she has a moment’s peace. Severa just wants to say that she’s doing what Anankos told her to do. Severa just wants to go home.

Nine years ago a man named Anankos promised three teenagers that they could get all the glory and guts they wanted if they just did what he said. He said they’d be heroes, like the Shepherds were, and topple two of the most dangerous mobs on the continent. Swore that falling stars always leave the brightest dust. 

(But the dust isn’t worth much.)

Part of her said yes because she wants that. She wants all that and more.

And part of her is there because it stops her from feeling guilty about leaving Caeldori. Serving Camilla, saving Ylisse. It’s an excuse. The reason. It gives her something to distract herself from the vow she once promised her baby girl.

_ “I will never leave you.” _

The tunnels of Dusk are silent. A lantern flickers. Her memories dance in front of her in the small blinks of light. Light will always persist.

_ “Light will always persist.” He says, and holds her hand and holds their daughter. The shining sun bears down on them and she realises she’s never been without light if her family is with her. _

She’s been in the darkness for a long time. 

Camilla Nohr is not a fool.

“She’s six, Lady Camilla. Her birthday is in July.”

Camilla nods, genuine concern written all over her face. She wouldn’t be asked to leave the Dusks or be left in the echoing tunnels. If anything, Caeldori’s existence all the way back in Shirasagi is enough proof of her loyalty to Nohr.

But it’s not worth much.

(Part of Selena wants to be berated. In the three years since she left, no one has yelled at her, or told her what she’s doing is wrong. Selena wants to apologise with all her soul but can’t help but remember her hatred for the excuses her mother used to feed her. She shouldn’t’ve let Caeldori get hurt in all of this. It’s not worth it.)

Selena can’t keep leaving letters in bottles and hope they read them. She can’t explain the great mission left on her and Inigo and Owain’s shoulders.

And finally, Camilla asks her the real question, the question she sought her out for. They want her to be the desperate mother, hiding her child away from the Dusks.

But too bad Selena’s a cold hearted bitch and she doesn’t know where Caeldori is.

“Severa, where is Caeldori and the rest of the Dawn children.”

Selena shrugs, acting as if it's not the question burned on her lips for the two years, ever since the last time she saw Subaki, red mount thrumming and all.

_ “I thought you should know that she’s safe.” Subaki calls out faintly, the Chevios town somehow too dark and too bright all at once. _

_ When Dawn and Dusk came to blows, the result was never beautiful. Selena has a bad gash on the side of her head and there’s a cut on her forearm that runs blood between her fingers and makes the grip on her sword slip. _

_ His voice is still as soft, still as gentle. Like he’d never hurt her, even when the naginata at his side had attacked Beruka. She broke his heart and he’d still never hurt her. _

_ “In 2004 all the children were hidden, somewhere. I’d tell you where but,” His voice falters. ‘ _ But I don’t trust you anymore _.’ Selena can hear him, but he won’t say it. He’s too sweet, too emotional. He’s the retainer of Sakura Hoshido. He could never see love as a bad thing. _

_ “I can’t tell you.” _

_ When he pulls out of the alleyway he takes the light with him. Selena shrinks into her shadow, until the only light left is the moon in her steel sword taunting her. _

“I don’t know.” Selena says, wishing to be back in Ylisse again, among her family, among her own. A comfort she could never go back to.

_ “Someday.” Owain promises. _

_ “Someday.” Inigo swears. _

_ “Someday.” Severa hopes. _

Selena looks at Camilla. “I don’t know.”

Camilla looks back. She holds her gaze for seconds, then smiles, facade fading away, arms opening to embrace her. “Thank you for telling us. When this is all over I’m sure you’ll be able to find her.” Camilla’s chest heaves, emotion caught everywhere. “I’ll help you find her, I promise.”

When all this is over.

_ “When all this is over we can go back home, properly!” Owain bounces Ophelia in his arms. He looks at Inigo and Severa, eyes bright and green. “Mom is gonna love her. I’ll have to report a kidnapping, but it’s just my mother, with her absolutely adorable granddaughter.” _

_ Inigo lets Soleil stand on his feet, tiny hands grasping at his big ones. “Mom can teach Soleil to dance then.”  _

_ Severa says nothing. _

Weeks later, Soleil and Ophelia were sent to Fort Dragonfall, with Lord Xander’s son. When Dawn hid their children so did Dusk. 

(Somewhere, on two different sides of Valla, two very different groups of children are very, very lonely.)

“Come, my darling, I’ve asked too many things tonight. I hope you’ll forgive me for being so nosy.”

Selena steps back, and sees Camilla bathed in the lantern’s yellow light. The shadows pull at her face, twist her, contort her. “No, it's fine, it’s all in the past.”

Camilla nods. “All in the past.”

_ “She misses you, by the way. She misses you but she just won’t say it.” _

All in the past.

_ “Maybe when all this is over, we can visit her together. Just the two of us.” He smiles at her, green eyes still so bright, still so big. _

Selena leaves the tunnels, and heads back into Windmire.


End file.
